51 Things Tyki Mikk Is Not Allowed to Do
by Exile Wrath
Summary: Sick and tired of a certain perverted pedophile, another list has been compiled, with everyone's opinions. Chapter Two: 51 Things, present-day AU.
1. Canon List

**Exile wrath: shoot. Great, I created another oneshot :/ Implied EveryonexAllen (except Rei) I don't own, and this mainly applies to the Poker Pair and Lucky pairings.**

**51 Things Tyki Mikk is not allowed to do**

**Allen**

Lenalee

_Kanda_

Lavi

_Rei_

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><p><strong>1. Tyki is not allowed to pop up in the Order and ask to play strip poker with me.<strong>

**2. According to a friend, "I'm straight enough that I make poles look bent"**

**3. And I don't want to play strip poker with a perverted Noah**

**4. Tyki is not allowed to cheat at cards**

**5. Because I go into Black Mode and freak everyone out.**

**6. Tyki is not allowed to use innuendos near me,**

**7. because, really? That makes you a pedophile**

**8. Tyki is not allowed to suggest that I'm gay,**

**9. please reread #2**

**10. Tyki is not allowed to call me "shounen". Everyone gets the wrong idea TT. TT**

_11. Tyki is not allowed to go near Moyashi_

_12. Tyki is not allowed to go near the Baka-Usagi_

_13. I like MY Moyashi unmolested._

_14. And Lavi's already been traumatized enough by your psychopathic brother._

_15. Tyki is not allowed to randomly appear nearby and challenge Moyashi to strip poker_

_16. because Black Mode is scary, and haven't you tried to kill him twice already? -. -_

_17. and what exactly are you doing in the Order?_

_18. Tyki is not allowed to kiss Moyashi. _

_19. He's mine_

_20. Tyki is not allowed to rape Lavi._

21. Tyki is not allowed to call me "his rabbit".

22. I prefer a serving of Moyashi to a serving of Perverted Noah.

23. Tyki is not allowed to hug Allen

24. because Kanda gets mad. 

25. (By the way, how much would it take for you to never go near Allen again? I have money. $. $)

26. Tyki is not allowed to call Allen "Shounen"

27. Mine. 

28. Tyki is not allowed to flirt with me

29. Tyki is not allowed to flirt with Allen

30. Scratch that, Tyki is not allowed to flirt with ANY EXORCIST OR FINDER

31. _I don't want them to betray my friends_

32. Tyki is not allowed to go near Allen-kun

33. Tyki is not allowed to bother Lavi

34. Tyki is not allowed to attempt to kill Allen-kun

35. WE DON'T LIKE PEDOPHILES!

36. Tyki is not allowed to steal any of my manga books

37. Especially the yaoi ones

38. Do you seriously have to redraw all the scenes to Poker Pair?

39. Tyki is not allowed to phase through the Order's walls and attempt to rape Allen in his sleep.

40. Tyki is not allowed to phase through the Order's walls and attempt to rape Lavi in his sleep.

_41. Tyki is not allowed to make sexual references to Allen when I'm in the vicinity_

_42. PG-13 BUBBLE!_

_43. Tyki is not allowed to mistake me for a girl_

_44. Tyki is not allowed to mistake KANDA as a girl_

_45. Unless you have a death wish. If so, go ahead._

_46. Tyki is not allowed to put Lavi in provocative positions_

_47. I LIKE MY SANITY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH_

_48. Unless I'm allowed to enter Insanity Form and kill you (and everything else in a 300-mile radius)_

_49. Tyki is not allowed to kiss Lavi. AT ALL_

_50. YAOI IS DISGUSTING! AND YOU'RE A PEDOPHILE!_

"DONE!" Rei exclaimed triumphantly, setting down the pencil and receiving relieved looks from the surrounding Exorcists.

"Hopefully, he'll stop now!" Allen and Lavi chorused. The other three shuddered involuntarily at their respective bad memories.

"I needed to run from Road." Tyki stated matter-of-factly, "And stop what? How are you, Shounen?" Allen and Lavi flinched at the Noah that had suddenly appeared through the wall. "Has your hand gotten any more flexible?" At this, Rei's eyes widened and she curled up into fetal position, hands clamped over her ears. Allewent a bright shade of red, and Kanda, Lenalee, and Lavi's Innocence suddenly activated. "Oh. Shit." Tyki gasped as he fled through the floor.

"HELP!" Allen yelled, a hand pulling his leg through the floor. Mugen was immediately activated and Tyki let go before his hand was cut off. Lavi slammed a hole in the floor, revealing a peeved Noah that was staring lustily at Allen. The younger Exorcist suddenly activated Crown Clown, and white strands bound Tyki as he was brutally beaten up, with helpful kicks towards his private part from Lenalee's Dark Boots. Rei sighed and un-curled himself, picking up the pencil and scribbling something on the page.

_51. Tyki is absolutely to stay away from Allen or risk having his genitals rendered useless. And that's for the Noahs, so then the Earl would save him. We don't want the biggest pedophile of time in here as well, thank you very much._

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><p><strong>So? Like it? Hate it? Love it? I hope I didn't offend any Poker Pair fans...<strong>

**Review?**


	2. PresentDay AU List

**Exile: If you're wondering why in the world there's another chapter, it's because I couldn't resist ^. ^ And this is sort of related to my oneshot collection Family Problems.**

**Allen- 15, Kanda- 18, Lavi- 18, Tyki- 19, Lenalee-16, Rei- 15**

**51 Things Tyki Mikk Is Not Allowed To Do, present-day AU**

**Allen**

Lenalee

_Kanda_

Lavi

_Rei_

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><p><strong>1. Tyki is not allowed to attempt to molest me<strong>

**2. Tyki is not allowed to attempt to kiss me.**

**3. Unless he wants to be castrated by my sister.**

**4. And I'm sorry, but that girl was probably a SERIAL KILLER in her past life.**

**5. And I'm straight, thank you very much.**

**6. Tyki is not allowed to cheat at strip Poker.**

**7. Lavi needs his clothes to prevent getting raped by fangirls**

**8. Tyki is not allowed to call me "shonen" with that weird accent**

**9. All fujioshi's within hearing distance get the wrong idea.**

**10. And then Lavi, Lenalee, and Kanda will panic. And Rei will go on another murder rampage.**

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><p><em>11. Tyki is not allowed to go near Moyashi at all<em>

_12. That's my Moyashi_

_13. Tyki is not allowed to try to molest MY Moyashi_

_14. Unless he wants to be castrated by Moyashi's sister_

_15. Tyki Is not allowed to call Moyashi his uke._

_16. That's my line *. *_

_17. Tyki is not allowed to molest Baka Usagi_

_18. He doesn't deserve it yet._

_19. Tyki is not allowed to try to say innuendos to Moyashi near Moyashi's sister._

_20. She will tell me. And we WILL castrate you._

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><p><span>21. Tyki is not allowed to go near Allen<span>

22. Unless Yuu-chan and I are allowed to hire Moyashi's sister to kill him.

23. Tyki is not allowed within a 15-feet distance of Allen or I

24. you know what, I'll just go apply for a restraining order.

25. Tyki is not allowed to destroy Rei's sanity with any yaoi references.

26. We need her sane to kill you and any pedophiles that target Moyashi-chan

27. Portuguese Pedophile is not allowed to call Allen any nicknames

28. That's only Yuu-chan's and my right.

29. Portuguese Pedophile is not allowed to touch Allen's posterior. At all.

30. Scratch that, PORTUGUESE PEDOPHILE IS NOT ALLOWED TO EVEN LOOK AT MY ALLEN!

31. We like his virginity. (Okay, that sounded wrong. We like him to remain a virgin)

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><p>32. Tyki is not allowed to touch ANY of my yaoi doujin and redraw the scenes to portray Allen and him<p>

33. Tyki is not allowed to ask me for yaoi pick-up lines

34. Tyki is not allowed to ask Rhode for yaoi pick-up lines.

35. Tyki is not allowed to try to rape Allen with his eyes.

36. That's disturbing. And I will not hesitate to kick you.

37. Tell me, how much do you love that thing called a reproductive organ?

38. Tyki is not allowed to use sexual innuendos on Allen.

39. He is still a mental virgin. Except in Poker. And you touch his virginity, YOU DIE!

40. Portuguese Pedophile is absolutely not allowed to even THINK of talking about sex around Allen or Rei.

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><p><em><span>41. Tyki Mikk is not allowed to touch my adopted brother, Allen Walker, at all.<span>_

_42. I will hunt you down and tell Cross what you did and where you are._

_43. Tyki Mikk is not allowed to look at Allen with impure thoughts._

_44. I WILL MURDER YOU, AND *censored for violent language*_

_45. Tyki is not allowed to tell us what a seme is, and that that's what he is to Allen._

_46. Tyki is not allowed to tell us what a uke is, and that that's what Allen is to him._

_47. Tyki is not allowed to talk about or to my brother. _

_48. Lenalee, Kanda, Lavi, and I will make sure that you die a horrible death following castration._

_49. Tyki Mikk is not allowed to use any yaoi terms near me. I like my sanity the way it is._

_50. Tyki Mikk is absolutely not allowed to trick me into reading yaoi doujinshi featuring Allen and him. WE WILL FEED YOU TO THE DEBT SHARKS!_

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><p>Rei placed down the laptop with a final, evil cackle, eliciting her brother and his friends to exchange nervous glances. "We're finally done! Now all that's left is to force him to read it!" she said gleefully. The auras of the other people in the room darkened at the last line, and they nodded. Rei hit the "Print" button and sounds of the large printer were the only thing heard.<p>

"Allen, what are you doing later today?" Kanda, Lenalee, and Lavi said simultaneously, giving each other glares. Rei turned around from the printer, and the moment Allen excused himself to get everyone drinks, she intensified her killer aura.

"Don't forget the rule. You are only allowed to date my brother if he confesses to you first. Any other circumstances in which you want to date him will have to go through me first." The Viet hissed with malice. Allen returned to the room with a tray of iced tea, and passed it around. "So Brother, what are you doing today?"

"I lost a bet with Road." the white-haired boy answered sadly. "And now I have to go with her to her house today and play with her." Everyone in the room flinched, thinking the same things. _Road lives with her older brother Tyki, and ohmygod it's a trap! NOOOOO!_ A series of rapid knocks were heard on the door, and Allen stood up to open it, but he was hurriedly pushed down by his little sister and his friends.

"We'll get it." they said darkly. The moment they opened the door, Road leapt onto Rei's neck.

"Rei! Can you be my doll again!" the younger girl begged. Rei pried her off with difficulty, and Lenalee kindly helped her. "Pretty please with a cherry on top?"

"No, Road. Maybe some other day." Kanda said tersely, answering for Rei. "But what are you and Moyashi going to play today?"

"Truth or dare!" Road said happily. "And Tyki is going to join us, too!" Everyone's faces darkened, and they slammed the door shut in her face. Rei ran back into the room first, diving for the pencil and scrawling furiously.

_51. Tyki Mikk is not allowed to have Road kidnap Allen to his house!_


End file.
